


Oh

by Go_get_Jakes_gun



Series: An Alternative Post Ragnarok [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Emotions, Hurt No Comfort, Mpreg, Pornography Mention, Pregnancy, Sadness, Slut Shaming, Unrequited Love, Well - Freeform, antics, in this series anyways, loki was a pornstar after all, no porn just plot, plot without porn, without written out porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 06:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20385274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_get_Jakes_gun/pseuds/Go_get_Jakes_gun
Summary: Loki begins the humorous task of hunting down his baby daddy.





	Oh

“Do you know how many weeks along you are?”

“At least one or the test wouldn’t have worked.”

“_Loki_!” Thor groaned, rubbing his head. He needed his brother to take this seriously or they’d _never_ track down the baby’s father. It would be hard even once the baby was born, it wasn’t like they could just extract and test it’s DNA, because if it inherited Loki’s shapeshifting abilities then it wouldn’t really _have_ DNA, would it?

“Well what do you want me to say? If my cycle behaved as it used to, I’d estimate it to be during my heat, except oh wait, _I didn’t have a heat!_”

“When was your last heat? Maybe all the stress put it in stasis?”

“My last heat was the night before your coronation, Thor, surely I would have given birth either in prison or masked as father if t’were the case!”

“_Arrrgh_! You’re infuriating, you voracious whore!” Loki took no offence to that, surprisingly.

“Well I wouldn’t have had to if… if…”

“If?” Thor frowned.

“If… the Grandmaster hadn’t made me crave it so,” he lied. Of course it was a lie. He hadn’t _wanted_ anybody else (save Peter to a degree), he’d wanted _Thor_.

“Well, do you at least have a list of people whom you’ve slept with since touching down on earth? Maybe we could go to one of those clinics and check how developed it is, wouldn’t that give us a rough idea?”

And so they did. What they got was that a) the baby could be anywhere between 2 and 4 months developed, and _b_) **_That they should have been taking these checkups earlier as a young, fertile couple_**.

Thor had blushingly reassured the lady that they were indeed very much not a couple. Loki had rolled his eyes and made sure to keep the sadness from radiating off of him.

They drew up a list of everybody whom Loki had slept with. There was: Tony Gonzalez, Joaquin Adams, Jeb Davidson, Rory Bookes, Milo Evanson, Troye Bush, Fortelle Greyson, Fabian Green, Lance Tucker, Rick Brookes, Rice Textler, Milton Miltons, Richard Gawain, Arry Fontaint, Cody Ross, Birming Lee, Tony Davis, Archie Everton, Maurice Lewis, Drake Paul, Gary Gomez, Forester Forester, Winston Bailey and Simon Gunns.

“Are you sure you didn’t miss a few?” Thor spat with no real venom.

“Perhaps one or two… but in my early days in the industry I started off with condoms, so no chance there.”

“Your early- Loki, you’ve been on earth _for six months now!_ **_You’re_** still early _to the planet!_”

“I’ve starred in over eighty adult films in the last month alone, Thor. I’m many things, early is not one of them.”

“_Must_ you flaunt your depravity!?”

“You weren’t complaining that time I took you out to lunch! Where did you think I got the money from, _brother_?”

Thor looked sick.

“I also left off the men I only had anal intercourse with, because _they_ obviously didn’t get me pregnant.”

“Alright. First let us see which of these men is sterile. I can ask Stark to access public records.”

“I am certain that that kind of sensitive information would not be available to the public, _Thor_.”

.

“Six of your men are infertile… remind me why you need this again, Thor?”

“These are a list of names given to us by a group of Asgardian women who, while out on Midgard, returned to New Asgard pregnant.”

Tony blinked. “Wow, how many, to satisfy my curiosity?”

“Six.”

“I don’t mean to slut-shame or anything, but this is a lot of men for just six women. You Asgardians sure do get around, don’t you?”

“Well, these are the just the men who didn’t penetrate them with a condom on. Or anally, because of course those wouldn’t result in a pregnancy.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“Well, your possible options at this point are: Joaquin Adams, Jeb Davidson, Rory Bookes, Milo Evanson, Fortelle Greyson, Fabian Green, Rice Textler, Milton Miltons, Richard Gawain, Arry Fontaint, Cody Ross, Tony Davis, Archie Everton, Maurice Lewis, Drake Paul, Gary Gomez, Forester Forester and Simon Gunns. Though I am a bit concerned- these are all _pornstars_.”

“Indeed,” Thor nodded. “I suppose the _women_ were just feeling extra slutty.”

“Thor… don’t use that word to _demean_ women, I was using it to explain that I wasn’t trying to.”

“Of course, of course, friend Stark,” Thor turned his dark gaze towards Loki. “I wouldn’t dream of demeaning a woman.”

.

“Where are you going?” Loki called, as Thor exited the bathroom and turned towards one of the many suits Stark had provided his guests with.

“I have a date tonight with Jane.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

Instead of elaborating, Loki turned on his side and pretended to be reading the book in his hands. He feared his hormones were making him a worse liar than he desired to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Finally! I'm done with the one shots! The next instalment in this series WILL be multichaptered and it will deal with whom Loki's REAL baby daddy is, as well as all of these complicated feelings between Loki and Thor.


End file.
